To give AF? Or not to give AF?

Ok this week I want to talk about whether giving AF, that is, giving your energy and attention to something, helps you to achieve or manifest your goals or whether you'll actually be more successful if you care less (don't give AF).

I have two theories when it comes to not giving AF:

1. When you stop giving AF, you succeed; and

2. Those that say that they don't give AF are the ones that really do.

Ok, there's nothing ground breaking there but bear with me.

I would say that 9/10 times for me, it has been when I have thrown my hands up in the air (literally and figuratively), said "forget it! I don't care anymore!" and gone about my business just being my (somewhat) normal self that I have later found the success that I was looking for earlier. Not every time but pretty often.

This is not happening instantly by the way, sometimes it's taken months or years for results to come about but I do believe that they have come about because I've stopped actively looking and turned my attention elsewhere. Which is interesting because I always thought that in order to manifest something into your life that you needed to focus all of your attention and energy on that one thing over and over for long periods without letting up until you were almost blue in the face from wanting it so badly.

It was when I met my dream partner after being single for 2 years that I had to reassess my understanding of manifestation. Story time...

I was single for almost 2 years from the age of 28 to just before my 30th birthday. Sure, it was fun but a lot of the time I felt a deep sense of loneliness because I had a lot of love to give and no one to give it to (other than my friends and family).

Of course, by the age of almost 30 I had a very clear idea of what I was looking for in a partner (mostly because I knew exactly what I didn't want). So much so that I had a list of traits and qualities written down in a diary. There were 14 traits on my list and all of them were non-negotiable: taller than me (because i'm tall and I love wearing heels), older than me, physically fit (it's a self respect thing not a vanity thing), kind hearted, driven etc etc. I would revisit this list as much as possible, ideally every day sometimes twice a day. I would read the list in my head, then outloud, then do meditations and visualisations where I dreamt up what this person would smell, sound, feel and look like. I tried to give it as much energy as possible to try to make it feel real.

About 6 months before my 30th birthday, I was with 2 girlfriends after yet another disappointing date and I threw my hands up in the air and said, "forget it! I don't care anymore!". I realised my friends had exhausted their supplies of advice and pep talks and that I was focusing too much on what was missing from my life.

Two months later, I walked into a party and met someone who completely embodied my list.

Funnily enough, it was not love at first sight. We were introduced and then not long after that he left the party and I went about my business. Luckily for me, our paths collided again 2 weeks later and it was on like donkey kong.

My man-ifestation. Haha I'm so punny!

Now I'm not by any means saying that all you need to do to get the things that you want is to stop trying and look the other way. This is just the example that comes to mind for me at this moment in time.

Of course, in terms of my manifestation practices I was very confused. Did I manifest him? Or not?

It seemed like I had been rewarded for letting go of what I wanted, so I went back to the books and began relearning.

Manifesting isn’t about getting; it’s about allowing. As soon as you let go of control you become a magnet for what you desire - Gabby Bernstein

So to say that I believe that I manifest things into my life when I stop using my energy to focus on them, feels strange but is completely accurate. I will explain why at the end of this post.

The problem for me normally is that I care far too much - I do give AF. I give AF very much. I'm an over thinker, a worry wort and I feel things to extreme levels. I get very high and I get very low. I am very strong minded while at the same time I am very impressionable. So when I see people online or face to face that say they just throw any old thing up online, that they never bother with things like business plans or that they don't know or care who their competitors are I get a bit confused.

You see, the closer I get to achieving some of my smaller, baby step goals, the more I learn about what goes in to achieving the 'success' that those people seem to have achieved. See, you simply cannot achieve what you want to achieve without giving AF. Giving AF looks like hustle. It's the behind the scenes preparation, it's the hours and hours of researching and workshopping and content creating.

So! To try and sum up what has been quite a long and winding blog post, it's good to give AF but teach yourself how to give something the energy that it deserves and then how to let it go and trust that that energy will come back to you in the form of your desired outcome.

Giving AF means you care about something. If you find that you are subconsciously giving your energy to something, that's when you know how much you really do give AF about that thing. Make sure you are very clear about what you want though, don't focus on what you don't have because then you will attract more of what you don't want. It may take some time but that energy that you have invested won't go unnoticed, it will show up in some form or another.

Tell me, has there ever been a time where you've thought of something or someone and the next moment that thing or person has shown up out of the blue? Comment or email me, i'd love to know if it happens to anyone else.

Big love,

Wild G.